I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
