You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
