Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
