Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
