hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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