i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize