I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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