you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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