you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize