so that wasnt chicken after all
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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