considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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