you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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