Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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