I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
