jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
