Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
