call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
