Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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