There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
