No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
