you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if only i could text you this smell
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
