Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
