Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
