just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
