so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
