look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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