smell my finger.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
