Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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