i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
