I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
