one might say we're banned from that church
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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