I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are a genius and a whore.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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