I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
