Yo dont text me then not text me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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