you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
