hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize