that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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