Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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