i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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