Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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