my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
