You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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