so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
