she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He has the fingertips of a God
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
