Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
