sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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