I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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