Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
