Just fell off a train. Bad.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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