dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
