Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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