just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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