i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
