My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
