You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
