did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
