His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
