You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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