its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
