Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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