i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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