Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
