ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
