His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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