My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
