I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
