having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize