she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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