either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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